I was so excited about the Balldo …
The concept and unique design are amazing, but mostly I was excited for what it would do for my partner. I had read some incredibly positive reviews about how the Balldo is revolutionising orgasms for people with balls. Online reviews and testimonials boast near instant orgasms, completely new and exciting sensations and sustainable, everlasting testicle hard-ons. We were both ready to be wowed when the good folks from Balldo sent us one for review. Sadly, it did not go as I’d hoped.
All About Balldo
The Balldo is, in simplest terms, a three piece toy that transforms the testicles into a dildo. It uses a partially hollow phallus form, with cut-outs to accommodate the testicles, supported by two very sturdy rings for rigidity.
How It Works
STEP 1: Shave your balls and lube them up. [click here to see our favourite lube]
STEP 2: Stretch the Balldo over your testes.
and STEP 3: Stretch the spacer rings over and secure at the top. You’re now ready to insert your Balldo into your partner!
Our Balldo Experience
Packaging
As mentioned, we were pumped for the Balldo. When it arrived, it was not in the handsome box you see above. It was in a plastic “clam shell” with a printed cardboard insert of information for how to use it. I appreciate luxury packaging but it’s not a make or break detail for me. As the Balldo is a three piece set it would have been nice if there was a bag or even a carabiner-type device to keep the set together. As for the plastic clam shell, it made it feel more like an “As seen on TV!” product than a high quality sex toy.
Build Quality
R. London was keen to get it on and see how it fit, what the sensations were, etc. Ball stretching with silicone and metal rings is something he is into lately so he was not overly intimidated by the way the Balldo works. He happily lubed up (always shaved) and shimmied into the Balldo, pulling the spacer rings up and over the Balldo itself. His face said it all.
He definitely liked the feel of it on and said it was :
- more comfy than expected
- heavier than expected
- zero pain or discomfort
- very stretchy and easy to use
All parts of the Balldo are made from high quality, pthalate-free silicone making it not only easy to clean, but also to sterilize completely. Good quality silicone like this will essentially last a lifetime if well cared for. It’s a goodly amount of material and everything about the way the Balldo is designed and made feels solid and dependable.
The Balls-to-Dildo Transformation
By the time we were ready to put the Balldo to the test, we were both pretty excited. He was looking forward to the mind-bending ‘ballgasm’ and all the new sensations, and I was pumped for him. I also couldn’t wait to see how it felt to be fucked by someone’s balls. He had tried it on a few times and had been experimenting with ball stretching, so getting into it was no big deal.
Side note: do not even consider trying to get the Balldo on without lube. If you really don’t want to trim or shave your pubic hair, fine, you’ll get some snags, but you will survive. But don’t forego the lube!
Doggy Style
Doggy style (and it’s many variations) are some of our go-to positions so it made sense to try the Balldo from behind. Logistically it’s also the easiest to maneuver and he could mostly see what he is doing. As it turned out, even with the room to maneuver and his visual vantage point, Doggy Style was a bust. The problem was less about the ball sheath and more about the spacer rings. Their purpose is to sit above the Balldo, preventing the testicles from shifting up and out, while creating a rigid shaft from the scrotum. They did combine to make a solid feeling “erection”, however, when it came to penetration it fell short.
Missionary & Variations Thereof
When Doggy Style was unsuccessful we considered maybe we had ‘tried to run before we walked’ so we switched gears and tried the good old Missionary Position. Immediately it was clear it was not going to be any better. At one point he said, exasperated, “This must be like what sex with a strap-on is like. I can’t feel anything and I don’t want to just blindly stab it into you.”. I laughed because it’s a good comparison and put my feet on his shoulders to help with the tilt of my pelvis. We tried several versions of missionary/face-to-face Balldo-on-top positions. It was no use.
Fruitless And Frustrating
We tried a few more positions, added cushions, tried different combinations, and everything led to frustration. After awhile neither of us was even remotely aroused because we were so pissed off that it was such a let down. The meagre penetration that occurred was not great for me (that tip is REALLY pointy) and he said that he felt nothing. All the potential sensation from the sides of his balls as they bulged in the Balldo was non-existent. Eventually we were both so cross and frustrated we gave up. We didn’t even have sex after we abandoned the Balldo, we were too grumpy and disappointed.
If Not User Error, Was It User Incompatibility?
When an erect penis is pushed into something, the rigid member is anchored at the pelvis by engorged erectile tissue and muscles. It is hard deep below the surface, as if it has a root. This is why an erect penis can jut straight out from the body or pull up tight against the pubis and stomach. Similarly, the Balldo squeezes the testicles into the shape of a penis, but between the pelvis and that first spacer ring there was simply not enough support, even though it was snug to his pelvis. Perhaps we should get an extra spacer ring and try again, but…
Will We Give It Another Shot?
We found that there was not enough to push up against to thrust. The Balldo could not jut stiffly out from his body, the head end is far too heavy and it bends where the rings touch the body. Because of this “floppy” attachment point, all the angles were incongruous and any penetration that was achieved was awkward, shallow and frustrating.
We may continue to try the Balldo but unless the ballgasm is achievable and happens with ease, I doubt we will put much more time into it. It’s a simple concept and an easy to use device. It shouldn’t be this hard to make it feel good.
Not A Fawkes’ Fave
Sadly, because this product not only missed the mark for us when it came to what it is designed to do, it was so frustrating that all the fun was sucked out of the whole experience. Every time that we tried the Balldo we were disappointed and frustrated so I can’t recommend it based on that. As Simon Doherty, for VICE said with the eloquence and diplomacy I cannot muster: “In conclusion, yes, it turns out you can actually fuck someone with your balls. But just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.”